pain in transparency

poetry

whenever i feel stiff i forget there was ever a time i didn’t feel miserable

my skin is transparent and the mold i’ve made in my mattress is so deep, i’m not sure i exist anymore

i remember the time you held me while i was trying not to die

and i wonder if she would think any of this is worth it

most days it’s not

i’m swallowing glass shards so often, i can no longer taste

what a trifling oblation for a script cardinal sore

i believe you like it

i would never wish poorly for someone you love

but i hope her perceptions of me have burned her echo lavender

i hope she’s writhing in pain

i hope she’s carving her skin raw just to be as transparent as me